A Relationship psychologist advises against listening to dating advice from your friends. Even if you’re surrounded by like-minded people, you might be surprised to learn that their advice may lead to the wrong match. Although well-meaning, their advice may be based on a very optimistic view of your relationship. They may also have completely different feelings about your relationship than you do. They may be afraid to share them for fear of jeopardizing their friendship.
Relationship psychologist says: No
If you’re in a relationship with a close friend, you know the potential for disaster. Friends may offer dating advice that will make your relationship fail. They might use their own mistakes to dump you. Or, they may simply have no idea what a relationship is really like and how to get through it. Whatever the case, it’s best to stay away from such advice. In this article, I’ll outline three reasons why.
It can feel patronizing
It can be tempting to listen to your friends’ dating advice, but that can be patronizing and dismissive. Instead of blaming your friend for her single status, it’s better to suggest some action, and encourage her to take it. Instead of giving her generic advice, try focusing on the friend’s personal characteristics. Encouragement can be as simple as saying, “dating is hard. You’re worth it!”
Trying to fix your friend’s dating problems with your own advice may end up being more harmful than helpful. Many friends aren’t aware of how much personal information they are sharing, and it can feel patronizing to listen to their dating advice. In fact, it can make you feel worse than the situation you’re in. But by taking action now, you’ll improve your chances of finding a partner.
It can feel like blasphemy
Dating advice from friends can be a source of conflict. It can be questionable whether your advice is appropriate or not. Your friend may project his or her own problems onto you, and you may not have the same needs in a relationship. As such, it can feel like blasphemy to take on dating advice from a friend. Here are some guidelines that can help you determine whether a friend’s dating advice is blasphemy:
It can lead to codependency
If your friends and family keep telling you that your partner is the best person in the world, it might be time to take a second look. The relationship can get unhealthy when one person takes advantage of the other. Codependency is a problem because the codependent partner is unable to acknowledge his or her true feelings, and he or she may even shut down emotionally. The codependent person may also stop talking when a conflict occurs and may try to bury his or her feelings in an effort to maintain the relationship. When this happens, you could find yourself drifting further apart from your partner and may be accused of codependency.
Teens and adults often overlook the signs of codependency. The condition can mask itself as extreme loyalty to a partner, which is not healthy. A codependent person will have a friendly personality and may appear successful socially and behaviorally. During a relationship, however, one or both parties may engage in risky behavior in order to appease the other person. In such a situation, dating advice from friends and family can lead to codependency.
Those with codependent tendencies should practice putting their own needs and wants first. These tips can help them avoid becoming actively codependent. Besides, it can be beneficial to model the behavior of someone they admire. For instance, they should not be the one to do everything with their partner. They should have their own passions and interests, and they should set their own schedules. This way, they won’t be a pig in a poke.